And before you ask, no I have NOT played every video game ever so I will not list from Final Fantasy Eight Thousand because I haven’t played ANY of them. I’m listing from the games that I HAVE played. Hot does not necessarily mean most muscular or best hair or even particularly good looking. Hot is how you hold yourself and present yourself. Hot is your intelligence, your class, your high morals… or lack thereof. Hot is relative, but to me… hot are THESE guys.
7) Varian Wrynn – World of Warcraft
We start our list with King Varian Wrynn, ruler of Stormwind, proud capital of the Human race and the Grand Alliance. Some say he has a giant chin. Others say he’s a douchebag. I disagree! (He does have a giant chin, though.) I think he’s a sweetie in a gruff body. Sure, his obsession with the methodical extermination of all things Orcish is a little bizarre, and his dissociative identity disorder which instantly turns him into a megaviolent rampaging monster is something of a problem, but he loves his son and his people, and would do anything to keep them safe.
6) Walter Sullivan – Silent Hill 4: The Room
We’re first introduced to Walter Sullivan in Silent Hill 2, in the form of a newspaper article found in a dumpster: “The police announced today that Walter Sullivan, who was arrested on the 18th of this month for the brutal murder of Billy Locane and his sister Miriam, committed suicide in his jail cell early on the morning of the 22nd.” In Silent Hill 4, the player delves deeper into the mind of this madman and learns about his disturbing obsession with awakening his birthplace, room 302, by ritually murdering 21 different people…
He’s still hot, though.
5) Reaver – Fable 3
In Fable 3, the immortal gunslinger returns as a business tycoon, hell-bent on turning the lush, idyllic Albion into an industrial paradise. Bowerstone now has an Industrial district thanks to our friend Reaver, and greatly resembles the soot-choked skyline of London in the 19th century.
Slightly more androgynous in this game, Reaver is still a sharp, smart businessman who will do whatever it takes to make a buck – as if he needed it. Despite his snappy wardrobe and flirtatious turn of phrase, the player learns quickly that if there’s anything you need to know about Reaver, it’s this – don’t cross him.
4) Kael’Thas Sunstrider – World of Warcraft
Kael’Thas is the leader of the High Elves, or Quel’dorei, in the World of Warcraft series prior to the Burning Crusade expansion. Although his official title is Prince Kael’thas, he is often referred to as the ‘Sun King,’ which indicates that either Quel’thalas is a principality or he had no official coronation.
When the Sunwell, the source of the High Elves’ magic, was destroyed, the Prince became a hero by bringing his people a new source of power – M’uru, a Naaru. The High Elves of Silvermoon City (recently renamed Blood Elves) immediately began leeching power from the sentient Light-being, but it wasn’t long before Kael’thas, in a grand betrayal of his office and people, stole M’uru away from the Blood Elves and turned toward darker, demonic magic to feed his insatiable lust for power.
An enormously powerful sorcerer, Kael’thas is a force to be reckoned with and is a raid boss in the Burning Crusade expansion.
He’s also a Blood Elf, which makes him dead sexy.
3) Reaver – Fable 2
Some people are so hot they deserve to be on this list twice. Such is the case with Reaver, who made his cameo in Fable 2 as a debonair, gun-toting pirate. The narcissistic criminal is actually something in the vicinity of 500 years old in Fable 2, making him one of only four characters in the entire Fable series to be a true immortal.
When Reaver was a youth, he made a deal with the Shadow Court which would preserve his youth so long as he sacrificed one person every year for as long as he lived. The arrangement came at a terrible price – his hometown, Oakvale, was destroyed, as was his family and the woman he loved. Forever changed, the Hero of Skill took the name Reaver and became an amoral, heartless socialite with an insatiable lust for drink, women, and murder.
Despite all this, Reaver has continued to be the most lovable character in the series with his constant charm and quick wit. If anyone can appear on a hottest guy list twice, it’s Reaver.
2) Ben Finn – Fable 3
Ben Finn is a recent addition to the Fable franchise, with a relatively minor role in Fable 3 as a soldier in the Albion Royal Army who joins the Prince/Princess’ rebellion against Logan (who also should have made this list, but I forgot… damn it…)
There’s just something about Ben Finn. Originally a rogue and a scoundrel, Ben forswore the life of a criminal by enlisting in the army. His character is teddy bear-like, adorable and quick with jokes. You can’t help but want to hug this guy. It helps enormously that the brilliant voice acting is done by the extremely talented Simon Pegg, star of many pictures including Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. You just have to love Ben, and if you don’t, there’s something wrong with you!
1) Ganondorf – The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Ganondorf was never hot until Twilight Princess came out. The artwork is extraordinary, and where previously he looked like someone puked green pixels and threw some orange ones on top to fix it, he now looks like exactly what he is – the rightful King of the Gerudo.
If there’s one thing I can say about Ganondorf, it’s that he tries hard. Nothing can stop this guy from trying to turn Hyrule into a land covered in darkness – not even death. His portrayal in Twilight Princess was particularly brilliant, and his regal poise and single-mindedness are so alluring that you find yourself rooting for him even as you’re laying on the hurt with your Master Sword.
He could beat everyone else on this list in a fight, if that puts it in perspective for you.
In the end, every one of these men belong in my virtual man-harem, but if they all got together and nominated a king, the title would go to (after an hour of bitching from Reaver) Ganondorf Dragmire, bearer of the Triforce of Power.