Monthly Archives: January 2011

Prayer Beads, from Christianity to Paganism

I am the owner of two rosaries – okay, I borrowed one. The older is actually my father’s, who got it from his grandmother. It’s a beautiful pewter (I think) piece with a Miraculous Medal and the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary on the reverse – a wonderful, classic rosary that inspires a feeling of awe when you hold it. The individual beads are somewhat blackened, as if tarnished by the hands that gripped them in devout, prayerful meditation every day. It could easily be over a hundred years old, possibly even carried over from Ireland by my immigrant great-grandparents, and I am honored to have it.

This is the old one - I like how the beads have roses on them.

The second one is definitely from Ireland – I know because we bought it there! I was in Christchurch Cathedral in Dublin, a beautiful church with an old stone bridge connecting it to a neat little exhibit with lots of interesting stuff pertaining to Irish and Viking medieval history. I knew that I didn’t want to leave Ireland without buying a rosary to compliment the one I already had, although I didn’t particularly know what to buy or where. While we were in the little gift area at the front of the cathedral, my grandmother approached me with a box in hand – it contained a beautiful mother-of-pearl rosary with an ornate, fleur-de-lis-tipped crucifix.

She said she was buying it for me. My grandmother is not very religious, although I imagine she would classify herself as Catholic, but she does have a deep sense of the spiritual that I don’t argue with. Psychic ability in older people tends to wear the trappings of Christianity, especially if they grew up religious, and when she said she was buying me that rosary, I knew that was the rosary I was meant to have. She had that look. Not all of you will understand what I mean by that, but those of you with deeply intuitive family members know exactly what ‘that look’ is. In any case, when I stepped back out onto the grassy courtyard of the cathedral covered with surprisingly tame and pretty pigeons, it was with a mother-of-pearl rosary in hand.

If you're interested, this is what the cathedral looked like. The exhibit was the building on the left.

This is the rosary I received there.

Those of you who know me relatively well know that although I am a practicing Pagan, I have a very deep and profound respect for the Catholic faith. I don’t agree with everything they teach, but I see the Virgin Mary as a figure of great strength and grace, and get the same heavy, solemn feeling from the ringing of the bell during the  rite of transubstantiation as I do from an act of magic or a Sabbat ritual.

Some people will fault me for that, or think it’s a strange feeling for a Pagan to have, particularly one that was not raised Catholic, but I have my reasons, as do we all.

I’m writing about beads because I was Googling (Googling – it’s a word now) pentagram necklaces. Not because I need another one – I love the one I have! But the leather cord was getting worn, and it seems easier to buy another necklace entirely than to find a cheap length of leather cord that’s the right thickness and softness. While I was searching, I found this:

They’re being marketed as a Pagan Prayer and Meditation Rosary. The first thing I thought was that the word ‘rosary’ seemed a bit out of place in that context, and the second was ‘How do you pray a Pagan rosary?’

I know how to pray the Catholic one – mostly. It’s mostly a repetition of prayers, starting with the Sign of the Cross and Apostle’s Creed, an Our Father, then a marathon of multiple Hail Marys with an intermittent Glory Be.  There are other prayers at certain times, but the purpose of praying the rosary isn’t to mindlessly repeat words. For each section of beads, the faithful are meant to meditate on a certain Mystery of the Catholic faith. Just like Pagan Mysteries, a Catholic Mystery is any concept that one cannot understand by having it explained to them – it must be meditated on, or experienced – it takes a profound and deeply spiritual event to truly understand a Mystery. The word in itself is a Mystery – I can’t explain it very well in words, either! Ask a priest.

The point is, the Rosary uses words to put the faithful into a state of mind that best facilitates meditation – in the case of the Catholic, this meditation is on a Mystery related to the life of Jesus Christ.

So as pretty as it is… what the hell am I supposed to do with Pagan prayer beads?

We don’t have set prayers, unless you count things like Inkubus Sukkubus’ Goddess Chant, or the famous command given by Aradia to the Italian Witches in Leland’s “Aradia, Gospel of the Witches.” We have Mysteries, but they are many and personal to each of us. We don’t have a Pope to tell us what to say – we only have ourselves.

Pagans are a self-reliant bunch in general. Without a leadership or a holy book, we tend to borrow traditions from our Pagan ancestors (or other people’s ancestors!) and create our own. We tend to be guided by the Gods and Goddesses of ancient times, the concept of duality, the turning of the seasons and the cycle of life in general.  What we do tends toward an environmental theme, and although Wicca, my particular branch of Paganism, is quite new, the concept that we believe in is one of the world’s most ancient. With that in mind, can Pagans use prayer beads effectively? Sure we can – with a little creativity!

We can compile our own prayers for our beads – I have seen prayer beads organized around the Elements, with four elemental-colored sections, and beads for the Triple Goddess, where each bead is a prayer to the Maiden, Mother, or Crone. If you’re creative and can write your own prayers/borrow someone else’s, you can create a prayer necklace for just about anything. Ultimately, it will come down to the same thing – using the cadence of words and the texture of the beads to focus our minds on an idea. Praying with beads can inspire us, calm us, or guide us when we need answers. Sometimes we just need to clear our heads – quiet, structured meditative prayer can do just that.

I’d love to hear what others think about praying with beads outside of Christianity. How do Buddhists and Hindus do it? How can Pagans integrate that practice into their own religion? Can beads be used in a secular way? If you’re artistic, I dare you to make your own set! If you have prayers, affirmations, or mantras you’d like to repeat, why not try doing so on a necklace? Call it peer-pressure, but everyone else does it, so why can’t we?


When Your Mind Says ‘Yes!’ But Your Heart Says ‘No…’

 

What then?

It’s usually the other way around, right? You’re totally in love with someone but your brain is screaming ‘He’s so wrong for you, he’s a liar, he’s a cheater, he’s a (insert attribute here)’ and usually you end up listening to your heart and wishing you hadn’t. Not this time.

Let me tell you something personal. Recently I’ve been in… well, a bit of an emotional rut. I can’t actually fall for someone. Not ‘won’t,’ not ‘don’t want to,’ but ‘can’t.’ I’ve dated people who have been great, but I just can’t get into that ‘crush’ phase. I can’t go ‘He’s cute… I LIKE him!’

The thing is, I USED to be able to like people. I used to even love people – the wrong people. I would get too attached and be the girl every guy hates – the clingy, picky, needy, haranguing witch. Okay, I was fifteen. I’d never been in a relationship before, I had serious social issues as well as mental health issues, I didn’t like myself, and I was very, very stupid. Later I got into another relationship with someone I fell hard for, who treated me like garbage. I spent five months putting up with it because I loved him and thought that, after being the horrible girlfriend I was in my first relationship, this was payback – I deserved it.

Now I can’t seem to feel it with people. I can meet the coolest guy ever, someone who three years ago I would have fallen for instantly, and just think ‘He’s cool.’ What happened? Well, I figured I’d just live with it. Never get married, have a killer job, maybe travel, and put those dreams of having a kid or two behind me. No big deal, right?

It’s become a big deal.

Even though there’s a very good chance that the target of this next paragraph will READ this, which of course is horribly embarrassing, I’m going to write it anyway. I’d probably just TELL him all this later, and it’s better he read it then sit through me trying to explain it in words. I’m unimaginably bad at telling people how I feel (just ask my mom) and it usually sounds very stupid, unintelligible, or I will get through with it realizing that I didn’t actually say what I was trying to say at all!

So anyway, for those of you that don’t know me, I’m a big nerd. Superheroes, video games, lots of books, you know, nerd stuff. I love going to tea places and I love foreign food. I love hanging out in bookstores with my anime pile here on the left, and my cultural/religious pile on the right. I’m like a hipster gone horribly wrong.

Because of my little romantic quandary, now is not a good time to meet someone awesome. I mean, wouldn’t that suck? You meet someone who is mostly perfect only to have to tell him that you can’t even love him? That’s more horrible for ME than it is for HIM! Having to do that would be an absolute NIGHTMARE.

Except that it did, and I did.

He’s a nerd. He likes superheroes and video games. He’s socially capable enough to go out into the world, and he wants me to go with him. He’s honest and he’s the only person I’ve ever met that I’m 100% sure would never ever lie to me, or hurt me intentionally. He’s patient and is always thinking of ways to help me. When I have a problem, he has a solution. I know that if I ever was upset about anything, he’d be there, listening… and probably thinking of a solution!

GOD DAMN IT.

This WOULD happen to me. And it pisses me off! What am I supposed to do? Ask him to wait around until I fix this little problem? I can’t do that! And the worst part is, he probably would wait – he’s probably waiting anyway!  It’s certainly incentive for me to find out what the devil is wrong with me – and fast! Is it my social issues catching up with me? The latent inferiority complex that stuck around since elementary school, finally wheedling its way back into my brain? Is it the jackass I dated last time? Something I haven’t even thought of?

My rational mind says ‘Do NOT let this guy get away!’ but my heart apparently took a vacation, because I’m not getting any responses from it. If it were just this guy I’d say it’s him, but it’s not – I haven’t felt this way about anyone for a while, save my non-romantic relationships like family.

…I’m dreading hitting ‘Publish’ on this one. Posting my personal feelings is always something I regret later, because I’m always convinced that people think I’m a dumbass. It bothers me that people are thinking about me, judging me.  But why the hell not, right? Maybe all you loonies out there on teh interwebz have some sort of advice about this situation? Maybe? Please?


My Top 7 Hottest (Or Otherwise Cool Enough To Be Classified As Hot) Video Game Guys

And before you ask, no I have NOT played every video game ever so I will not list from Final Fantasy Eight Thousand because I haven’t played ANY of them. I’m listing from the games that I HAVE played. Hot does not necessarily mean most muscular or best hair or even particularly good looking. Hot is how you hold yourself and present yourself. Hot is your intelligence, your class, your high morals… or lack thereof. Hot is relative, but to me… hot are THESE guys.

 

7) Varian Wrynn – World of Warcraft

 

We start our list with King Varian Wrynn, ruler of Stormwind, proud capital of the Human race and the Grand Alliance. Some say he has a giant chin. Others say he’s a douchebag. I disagree! (He does have a giant chin, though.) I think he’s a sweetie in a gruff body. Sure, his obsession with the methodical extermination of all things Orcish is a little bizarre, and his dissociative identity disorder which instantly turns him into a megaviolent rampaging monster is something of a problem, but he loves his son and his people, and would do anything to keep them safe.

 

6) Walter Sullivan – Silent Hill 4: The Room

 

We’re first introduced to Walter Sullivan in Silent Hill 2, in the form of a newspaper article found in a dumpster: “The police announced today that Walter Sullivan, who was arrested on the 18th of this month for the brutal murder of Billy Locane and his sister Miriam, committed suicide in his jail cell early on the morning of the 22nd.” In Silent Hill 4, the player delves deeper into the mind of this madman and learns about his disturbing obsession with awakening his birthplace, room 302, by ritually murdering 21 different people…

He’s still hot, though.

 

5) Reaver – Fable 3

 

In Fable 3, the immortal gunslinger returns as a business tycoon, hell-bent on turning the lush, idyllic Albion into an industrial paradise. Bowerstone now has an Industrial district thanks to our friend Reaver, and greatly resembles the soot-choked skyline of London in the 19th century.

Slightly more androgynous in this game, Reaver is still a sharp, smart businessman who will do whatever it takes to make a buck – as if he needed it. Despite his snappy wardrobe and flirtatious turn of phrase, the player learns quickly that if there’s anything you need to know about Reaver, it’s this – don’t cross him.

 

4) Kael’Thas Sunstrider – World of Warcraft

 

Kael’Thas is the leader of the High Elves, or Quel’dorei, in the World of Warcraft series prior to the Burning Crusade expansion. Although his official title is Prince Kael’thas, he is often referred to as the ‘Sun King,’ which indicates that either Quel’thalas is a principality or he had no official coronation.

When the Sunwell, the source of the High Elves’ magic, was destroyed, the Prince became a hero by bringing his people a new source of power – M’uru, a Naaru. The High Elves of Silvermoon City (recently renamed Blood Elves) immediately began leeching power from the sentient Light-being, but it wasn’t long before Kael’thas, in a grand betrayal of his office and people, stole M’uru away from the Blood Elves and turned toward darker, demonic magic to feed his insatiable lust for power.

An enormously powerful sorcerer, Kael’thas is a force to be reckoned with and is a raid boss in the Burning Crusade expansion.

He’s also a Blood Elf, which makes him dead sexy.

 

3) Reaver – Fable 2

 

Some people are so hot they deserve to be on this list twice. Such is the case with Reaver, who made his cameo in Fable 2 as a debonair, gun-toting pirate. The narcissistic criminal is actually something in the vicinity of 500 years old in Fable 2, making him one of only four characters in the entire Fable series to be a true immortal.

When Reaver was a youth, he made a deal with the Shadow Court which would preserve his youth so long as he sacrificed one person every year for as long as he lived. The arrangement came at a terrible price – his hometown, Oakvale, was destroyed, as was his family and the woman he loved. Forever changed, the Hero of Skill took the name Reaver and became an amoral, heartless socialite with an insatiable lust for drink, women, and murder.

Despite all this, Reaver has continued to be the most lovable character in the series with his constant charm and quick wit. If anyone can appear on a hottest guy list twice, it’s Reaver.

 

2) Ben Finn – Fable 3


 

Ben Finn is a recent addition to the Fable franchise, with a relatively minor role in Fable 3 as a soldier in the Albion Royal Army who joins the Prince/Princess’ rebellion against Logan (who also should have made this list, but I forgot… damn it…)

There’s just something about Ben Finn. Originally a rogue and a scoundrel, Ben forswore the life of a criminal by enlisting in the army. His character is teddy bear-like, adorable and quick with jokes. You can’t help but want to hug this guy. It helps enormously that the brilliant voice acting is done by the extremely talented Simon Pegg, star of many pictures including Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. You just have to love Ben, and if you don’t, there’s something wrong with you!

1) Ganondorf – The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

 

Ganondorf was never hot until Twilight Princess came out. The artwork is extraordinary, and where previously he looked like someone puked green pixels and threw some orange ones on top to fix it, he now looks like exactly what he is – the rightful King of the Gerudo.

If there’s one thing I can say about Ganondorf, it’s that he tries hard. Nothing can stop this guy from trying to turn Hyrule into a land covered in darkness – not even death. His portrayal in Twilight Princess was particularly brilliant, and his regal poise and single-mindedness are so alluring that you find yourself rooting for him even as you’re laying on the hurt with your Master Sword.

He could beat everyone else on this list in a fight, if that puts it in perspective for you.

In the end, every one of these men belong in my virtual man-harem, but if they all got together and nominated a king, the title would go to (after an hour of bitching from Reaver) Ganondorf Dragmire, bearer of the Triforce of Power.


Drugs Are Bad, Mmkay?

So I just got done watching this show on A&E called “Beyond Scared Straight.” There have been a thousand like it – some troubled, Maury-style teenagers get sent to a prison for a day in the hope that they’ll be so terrified  of the people there that they stop acting up. On this episode, about seven or eight girls were sent over for an assortment of problems like underage drinking, smoking, drugs, fighting, stealing, and gang-related violence/activity. The oldest was 17, and the youngest was 13. It sort of makes me think about what I was doing between 13 and 17.

Because it sure as hell wasn’t any of that.

When I was 13 years old, I hated myself and was scared of my own shadow. I felt like everyone in school around me was somehow better than me, somehow prettier and more worthy of friendship and attention, and the harder I tried to be cool, the more pathetic I appeared. In retrospect, I realize that they didn’t see me as an ugly, lame nerd at all – that was just me. The pretty, popular girls only looked at me funny because I was trying so hard to be something I obviously wasn’t. I remember crying one time, surrounded by all those girls, trying to explain to them how it worked: they were popular, and I was a loser.

They tried hard to understand, but it’s obvious to me now that they clearly had no idea what I was talking about. They genuinely didn’t see it that way, and they were right. If I was a loser, it was because I was putting down who I really was and was instead trying to reach some bizarre ideal that was not only unattainable, but undesirable.

Thanks, girls. If I ever run into any of you again, I hope we can talk like normal human beings.

But if I had continued on that road, trying to be cool or whatever, I undoubtedly would have ended up a drunk, cracked out loser. I mean, I was a stressed young lady. I had all these preconceived notions and ideas about what I was supposed to be and to be honest, I have no idea where they came from. I think I made them up. I don’t know why I felt that way.

I never tried a drug in my life, though, never got drunk at a party, never shoplifted and never got in a fight. I wasn’t trying super hard to be a ‘good girl.’ I just kept to myself so much, where would I even GET drugs? What party would I ever be ballsy enough to go to? What the hell is important enough for me to steal and if I don’t have many friends, how many ENEMIES can I have? Say what you want about being a loner, but if I weren’t, I bet I would have done some of those things. I have no problem with occasional recreational marijuana use, and a party on the weekends or what-have-you, as long as you’re smart.

But if I had been more social when I was 13, and gone to those parties, done those drugs? I bet it would have gotten out of hand. I would have done anything for people to like me. Being a loner saved my ass.

I remember going into high school in the same sorry state I spent middle school in. 13 years old going on 14, I was still scared of the popular people (for the record, I sort of picked and chose who was ‘popular’, as there weren’t really any set parameters regarding the title) and when people were mean to me, I crumpled up like a water bottle in a pressure chamber.

Then 10th grade came.

I wish I knew what caused it, but to this day it seems completely random. I went into school in 10th grade with a completely different personality. I won’t name names, but let me tell you about this chick Claire.

She was in my choir class and she was a class-act ho. She dyed her hair so much it crinkled when she walked and was constantly dripping dollar store makeup, followed by a posse of two clones so she looked like Draco Malfoy after a bad sex change. She was AWFUL to me. She knew that I’d cry (don’t feed the trolls!) so she kept doing it. It was pretty terrible. My entire Freshman year was spent hating that chick and not having the guts to do anything about it.

In tenth grade I was in Choir again, same people, including Claire, Crabbe, and Goyle. So I’m sitting against the wall with my friend, laughing about something or other, and Clairebear comes up to me, one hand on her hip like she just had it replaced, her lips all pouty as if she spent so much time waving her skinny butt in front of breeding males that they got stuck that way, and made some mean comment to me. I don’t even remember what she said, but it was clearly some cruel thing meant to upset me. I looked over at my friend and stared at her for about fifteen seconds. Slow smiles spread over our faces, until all at once, we burst into a paroxysm of laughter.

I remember Claire staring at us like we were total loons, then realizing that we were laughing at HER. She turned beet red and walked away. She never talked to me again.

That year, I was suddenly confident. I was a nerd and I loved it. I didn’t wear makeup but that was cool. I had dorks for friends but I loved them too, and most of all, I didn’t give two shits what those chicks over there thought of me. It happened almost literally overnight. If there was any chance, any at all, that I’d turn into some drug-addicted shoplifting alcoholic, it ended with the beginning of 10th grade.

Am I perfect? No! I’m still neurotic beyond words, I still have issues and second-guess myself and I’m still scared of a lot of things. But I’m at least functional now, which is nice. I’ve always been late to the party – I only listen to bands after they’re not cool anymore, I wait for movies to go to OnDemand, and I figure out the joke ten seconds after everyone else. I guess it took me a little longer to grow a spine, too. So, knowing that, I know that no matter what issues I have to face, I’ll face them… eventually.

Having failed enormously at not eating meat and exercising yesterday (notice how I didn’t update the exercise section?) I plan on starting today! I did not eat any meat today, which isn’t very hard for me. As for the exercise, I started out on Wii fit by getting my weight taken as well as what they call a ‘Wii Fit Age,’ an almost randomly assigned number that attempts to pinpoint how old you are based on your fitness level.

I’m apparently 23.

I also weight 170 lbs – ugh! Oh well, I’ll just have to fix it. Off to start my exercises – wish me luck!

UPDATE: *huff… puff… wheeze… gulp water…* In retrospect, maybe an hour a day was a bit much for me! I managed a half hour, so let’s just do that until I’m more comfortable? Okay? Okay. *faints*


A Gauntlet on the Ground

That’s it – the gauntlet has been tossed, the challenge issued. These are the rules of engagement!

The first is that I must blog every day for thirty days. I blatantly ripped this idea off from my sister, so I hope she doesn’t think I’m a dork now! The fact is that her blog is really cool and fun and interesting, and I’ve tried to be JUST LIKE my sister since I was old enough to know that the giant NIN posted on her bedroom wall was a band. So, like a good little sister, I’m ripping off her idea to see if blogging helps me in the way it’s clearly helping her.

It can be about something mind-bogglingly deep or about nothing, but I MUST blog. I need to learn that it’s okay to put myself out there, and that I don’t need to be ashamed of my feelings or of other people finding out who I am.

One big problem with me (and the reason I never kept a blog before, or a diary back in the pre-blog days) is that I destroy everything I write that isn’t fiction. For some reason, I’ll read what I wrote and find it absurd or foolish and be so ashamed of how stupid I was, I’ll destroy it forever. Not this time – the blog not only has to stay intact, but I’m posting links to it on my Facebook.

That is the first part of the challenge – no, the Challenge – and it’s starting today. Thirty days of delicious blog.

The second is the hard part! I know, blogging every day for a month sounds bad enough, right? No? Well, trust me, it’s bad. But the second part of the Challenge requires me to exercise on my Wii Fit for an HOUR every day – and post my results! Nothing holds you accountable like teh ebil ppls of teh interwebz, right? The fact is, I’m not ashamed of my weight and I don’t care what the world thinks – it’s just a situation to be dealt with.

Subsection A of the second part of the Challenge is that I may not eat any meat except for seafood for thirty days! What?! No meat?! I need to eat healthier, and nomming on a chicken leg isn’t helping me. I don’t eat much meat anyway (I’m more of a cheese person), but I might as well cut it out all together. Who knows? Maybe I’ll stick with it and be more aware and stuff.

The reason this is going in the blog is because if I post it on the internet, I HAVE to do it. Now everyone will expect me to follow through, and it will be EMBARASSING if I fail at it. So suck it up, grow some balls, and get working! Don’t lose your motivation and screw up a good thing yet AGAIN. (I’m talking to myself, there.)

Anyway, here are today’s stats:

Foodstuffs:

I went to the store and bought $25 worth of fruit and miso/udon noodles, which isn’t a lot. I was very proud of myself for starting my first vegetarian day, and gaily dug into the fridge for my leftover baked potato soup. By the way, try Archer Farms Baked Potato soup! It’s epicness! Unless, of course, you’re vegetarian, because I realized after eating it all that it has little bits of bacon in it.

I failed on the first day!

I won’t be too hard on myself, and will just be more careful! For those who ARE veggie-huggers, try Archer Farms Cheddar Broccoli soup. I like it better than the potato, and it doesn’t take as long to make.

Exercise: Haven’t done it yet! Expect an update this evening.


Gray Walls, Black Borders

Welcome to my cave!

I live in a little cubby-hole of gray walls and charcoal trim. There’s a loft bed with a cluttered desk under it, covered with candles, jewelry, dystopian fiction, video game disks without cases, and highlighters.  In the corner there’s a TV and on a shelf two betta fish swim idly in their bowls, flaring at each other angrily as they pass one another. It would seem a little dark in the room if it weren’t for the hideous pink carpet, trampled down by eight years worth of feet so what must have once been plush and comfy now looks like a cotton candy stand gone horribly wrong.

I hate that damn carpet.

The cave doesn’t see many guests. I spend most of the hours in my day hiding in the shadowy recess my loft bed creates, typing away here on my computer. I’ve always liked to be alone – I don’t much like being forced to go out and ‘have fun’ (Insert air quotes here! Fun for you isn’t fun for me!) because my fun is nerd fun – internet memes, Tosh.0, English-subbed anime on the internet, and copious amounts of video games.

If you want to know anything about me, you can learn most of it from my cave.  Is this starting to sound like an emo blog? I don’t mean for it to. In all, I’m pretty cheery! I have FUN living in my cave by myself – not fake, denial fun, but real fun! I just like being by myself and the way I am in general. I wasn’t always that way, so if we’re counting, I’m ahead.

This isn’t to say I’m worry-free, of course.

I struggle with the same basic things every day. My weight and my health has been a recent concern, which I’ll elaborate on later. My enormous desire to learn new and interesting things vs. my fear of going out and actually DOING it. My relationship issues and strange inability to actually care for another human being in a romantic way. My solitary nature, and whether or not that’s okay or normal. My vague interest in whether or not I should care what other people think about said solitary nature.

Most of all, though, it’s my struggle for a sense of purpose. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I know what interests me, what I love, but I don’t know what to do as a career, how to stay motivated, and how to deal with the anxiety disorder that’s plagued me since my young teen years. I live with my parents and I haven’t gotten far on the college circuit. I want to have a career, move on with my life, and generally make the people I care about proud, but right now I don’t know what I want and my biggest stressor of all is just that – the fear that I’ll never go anywhere, never do anything, and that people will think I’m a big waste.

So there you have it! I laid it all out. I think a lot of things every day, and I’m going to put it all down right here! Think I’ve got enough blog material? I do.

All that said, I hereby announce that I am taking the challenge! What is the challenge, you ask? Well, tune in next time…